N's big day............

Ahhh, it’s back in all its sweat reeking, dirty snotted, drink-ticket buying, toilet queuing glory. It’s that special time of year when 60,000 ‘kids’‚ cram into the Gold Coast Parklands for one day in January and witness live some of the world’s best bands. At the centre of this sea of peroxide blonde and unnaturally tanned coastal chicks alongside Southern Cross tattooed, sunburnt shouldered, singlet wearing coastal dudes, lies a music festival that is soon to notch up 100 shows - a 17 year musical history of mud and mayhem. Big Day Out.

Some friends and I joined the throng of ‘sun-stroked coastal crazies’‚ to welcome musicians and bands from every corner of the globe to this classic Aussie festival

Despite forking out $150 for this shock and awe fest I have secret feelings about the Big Day Out, not often revealed until it rolls around again each new year........... I actually hate the thing. I generally love music festivals, but the Big Day Out is different. It is hot, crowded and bustling beast with the stench of piss, sweat and stale beer thick in the air. It behaves like an untamed dog at the end of a long leash, it thrashes about seeking to streak forth into the night if you inadvertently relinquish your grip.

In the past the BDO organisers were prone to cramming far too many people into the relatively modest grounds, with a distinct shortage of toilets, bars, places to chill and things to eat, whilst gouging this captive audience for dollars at every turn.

So, you may rightly ask, why do I go?

Simple

The BDO attracts the best bands from across the globe and gets them to play a stone’s throw away from where I live.

Enough said.

This year was very different, though, the beast had evolved. For starters, they only served half strength drinks and as much as many blog readers may wish to deny it, let’s face facts, this was a stroke of genius. It reduced exponentially the number of young men observed staggering, red faced, desperately searching for a fight, to the point that I could count these gorilla sightings on one hand. In previous years the numbers would be so high that one was genuinely afraid of looking the wrong way for fear you would catch the animal’s eye and the gorilla would unleash their drunken wrath upon you.

The beasts’ cage was thankfully expanded this year too, creating more room to move and easier access to amenities than previous incarnations. But the stand out difference in 2010 was the organisation of BDO staff. The army of fluoro vest wearing helpers were out in force, on the ready to help us ‘hopped up’ youth avoid frustrations and confrontations. Everything ran like clockwork. With the headline act finishing 5 minutes early (!) and a spot-on police presence who focused their energy on ensuring people arrive and leave the festival safely, rather than a pre-Fitzgerald enquiry heavy handed ‘management’ of patrons once inside.

For me, it is all about the music. I avoided the superficial drunken interactions I had in previous years by playing the part of designated driver and staying well below that 0.05 limit. Boring, yes, but you have to make sacrifices to see your favourite bands these days, and the music was anything but boring.

Even when one is trying to avoid such an experience it seems that one of those ‘special Big Day Out moments’ always manages to find its way to you. I found myself in conversation with a 26-year-old bloke discussing Muse, the band rockin’ out at the time. He asked me if I had taken any drugs ‘today’‚ (as if the smile on my face could be caused by nothing else) and I said no, I had a beer or two earlier but was driving back to Brissy once the festival was over. His face swiftly fell into regret and he remorsefully spouted, “I’m weak. I just have to have the drugs; it’s a real problem. I’m really weak, man. How do you guys stay so level headed?”

Only at Big Day Out could I have such an intimate conversation with a complete stranger who clearly deeply regrets his destructive choices, yet the only reason he can reveal this is because he is high as a kite! The regret soaked moment passed, as did he, into the night, not wanting to linger with anyone so boring not to be wrapped up in the ongoing conundrum of addiction and excess.

So I salute you Big Day Out, for throwing people together from all walks of life, ensuring the sun beats down on us as we run about like mad folk catching those must see bands, and for then spitting us out the other side with stiff shoulders from head banging, the prerequisite tinge of regret (especially those drug takers) and most likely a sore head to boot.

Until next year.

The campers life.

So, we went camping last week - hurrah, hurrah! We headed south to Northern NSW, convoying with friends from Sydney, the boys in the van and the chicks following close behind in the commodore, until we descended upon Brokenhead for a week of gloriousness and pleasure.

Now, in truth, I am not a camper. But, 2010 is a year of change, experimentation, new frontiers and new experiences, so I sucked it up and took the challenge - because in reality, a week of camping is easy galore compared to the year we are planning to embark on in the van together.

I must admit I started to fade towards the end of the week. Currently our van is not converted to camper-styling, instead it is an empty vessel which we filled with mattresses and bags, and outside we had a tarp providing the living space filled with pots, pans, food, chairs, and just camping-arama generally. So by late in the week the mess and fuss of all the crap that camping involved was starting to bother me. Sandy sheets, dirty clothes, and damp towels, hmmm, wasn't loving it!

But, I didn't relent, I kept my cheerful face on (except for a small whinge) and accepted the camping life. Because, I realised something about camping, for all my hatred of dirt and mess, of poor light and grotty shower blocks, camping is an opportunity to step away from normal life and the blood sucking routine and responsibility of it. There is no Simpsons at 6pm each night to distract you from the workday, eating a meal prepared in a camp kitchen is MUCH more satisfying than packet pasta and sauce, and talking by torchlight for hours feels somewhat romantic compared to talking between the ad breaks.

Most crucially though you spend time with people - we really caught up with our friends, got to know them again, recognising the reasons behind the friendship. We also read books (like entire books) and talked to one another about plans, aspirations and hopes rather than what's on TV and what we need to get done that night before trudging to work again the next day.

I have always had this secret fear of the trip around Australia in the van. I have always been afraid that I won't know myself when I was away from my life - from the freneticism of it, from the things I should be doing, from the timetable and the responsibilities - these are burdens, but they are also the things I know about myself, I know myself in that place with all these goings-on around me.

I realised, that even on this short trip, I got to know myself better when I was away from the distractions and responsiblities that I fill my life with. Thinking about this makes me incredibly excited about the trip, because if one week away from 'normal' life makes me see such potential, imagine a year of this.............

A new start!

Well, it has been over a month since I wrote anything for Gilpies - which is truly a terrible effort. We are now in the lovely new year of 2010 which has crept up all too quickly, but I have already decided is going to be amazing.

After two years of pretty hard times I am ready for a different kind of year.

A year of wonder.

I remember in 2004 and 2005 I had a couple of years like that. They were amazing, I finished up my travels overseas in the February of 2004, came home and had two years left of my undergrad degree which I spent writing, reading and studying music - amazing stuff. I met my beloved N that year and made a number of now much adored new friends. It was a really fantastic time of change and of growing up. They were actually very, very hard years in lots of ways, with some terribly sad and difficult things presenting themselves. Overall though I felt my capacity as a person grow.

As I write this, and reflect on 2008 and 2009 they have actually been a bit similar to the adored years, in a number of ways. They have been so awful and so tremendously difficult to weather. I have never felt more tired, sad, fearful or overwhelmed as I did this year particularly. But, at the same time, I have grown up, again I've learnt my capacity as a human being, as a wife, as a child, a family member and a friend. I've recognised the highs and lows and how to truly relish in the high moments and really let myself sob it out and let go in the lows.

Now though, I am ready to reap the rewards of all this hard work . I'm ready for N and I to use all of this personal evolution to really now become the adult people we wish to be. I am certain that in another few years this intense period of change and struggle will come up again in our lives - but hopefully our experiences will give us the resources to deal with it.

Anyway, we have decided that 2010 is a new start for us.

2010 is the year of our big physical journey, as we head off in the van around Australia later this year. This will test us (me particularly, being a bit of a comfy bed and clean feet kind of girl) physically as people. I believe that we have been on the big emotional journey in 2009, we have learnt to band together as a team of two in those awful times, and hopefully this will stand us in good stead as we deal with the joys and pitfalls of travelling in such close quarters, for such a long time.

Let's see, shall we!

So, we will both get on Gilpies a lot more to write about how the planning is going, and how life is faring generally in this new year - and to prepare ourselves for the big journey ahead.

Our first little preparatory journey is next week - we are heading down south for a camping trip in the van. It is not yet fitted out with all the comforts of a camper van, instead it is just a big empty truck essentially - so this will be interesting.

I have planned our meals, and N has tried to organise all the bits and pieces we need - but things will have been forgotten, and if there's anything I learnt this year, nothing goes to plan.

So, bring on this first little journey and we'll see how we go..................